Motherchuffa.com - Poetry and Madness

I have been writing poetry since 1985. Most of it back then could be described as crap. Only with age do things get better

I started to think about publication in the mid 1990's. I would submit my works to small and large presses alike with a modest amount of success

To see your work printed up in a book is quite a moment

The age of the internet has affected us all and no more than the self publicist. I have a website to showcase my work. So people far and wide can comment openly or think privately about what they have read

If you dont like it, thanks for reading it, if you do, tell me. Whatever the outcome, i enjoy writing about what i see and enjoy been able to share it

Just remember that we are all here for a reason. I know i am. But what the reason is i don't know. Just remember you met me, cos i won't forget you

I GOT NO GREAT STORIES

A man of no distinction
No m.f. of any religion
An unmortal of dubious but inevitable extinction
So yes I got no great stories

A man of untidy kitchen
One motherchuffa of scared admission
One muse less man of destiny non-requisition
Please - no great stories

A relentless child of self-annihilation
A bastard child of celebration
And a loveless child by your decision
So the great stories, I have none

But you still rely on my genuine precision
The rate in which I deliver division
You and me divided by explosion
Bombs yes, no great stories

I am a boy of dubious evolution
Where 30 years equals illusion?
I want to be the revolution
But the stories I have mean shit to you
To me
To the listeners
To the grievers
The survivors
The stories you have is the life you lead

SEX LIFE

Yes hello
I'm enquiring about a sex life
Have you got one
How much does it cost
No I haven't been here before
But all my friends say that I was to come here
For a marvellous sex life
What are the requirements?
A girl?
Where do I get one of them at such short notice
A nice girl?
I'm sorry, surely that is ludicrous
Nice girls don't live round here
I have never seen any on my travels
Anything else?
Do I really need a girl for a sex life
A man?
Er
I don't think that's my scene
I've already got sciatia
I don't need my arse ruptured twice
That's out
What else can you suggest for a good sex without having a man
Or women
My own anatomy
What part
My hand?
That's basic isn't it
I came here thinking I was going to be lured into a new world of sexual wonderment
If I knew you were going to suggest self abuse
I would have stayed at home and had a wank

BEARD

Rub it against your ladies face

And hear her howl with glee

Or duck as her punch is geared up

For a session of bodily harm greviously

Groom it on a daily basis

Make those hairs gleam with greace

Stroke it when no one is around

Let your chin stand proud in fleas

Style it with your mach3

Let them know you wear it with pride

And if the opportunity arrives

Take it for a muff dive

From what I have learned , from what I know

The female species don't care too much

About the male fraternity sporting some fluff

Not keen even to touch

So make it simple and take it off

Let her feel your grooves And curves

But remind her that you'll grow yours back

If she does not shave hers

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

Better not speak after my blunder, oversight

I don't know what to say anyway

I got it wrong and you are mad

But I am a pansy and am not fond of consultation

So being quiet is the best option

Come on gary, catch up with your videos

Spend a little quality time with yourself

but all day

No dialogue all day

Perhaps I should talk

But I don't know what to say

Sorry won't do it

If I was really sorry I would not have done it in the first place

How I love consequences and insight

LIKE A HEADSTONE

Stand out like my grandfather

Be bold in granite and let “In loving memory” mean something more than a dead person

I have to delve deep to stir up emotions

Life is cruel without a doubt

But to reguratate the past is a sickness dying to happen

The day is blistery and dry

People are not in their hundreds and peace is easy to find

The new headstone says it all

And for I to crouch down there for a while is surreal

My grandfather lays below and I still remember

This is my mourning that I never prepared for

I would not mind having a word with him

That delving deep would leave me in tears

He stands out

Not a subliminal message to me no doubt but it’s what I take away from my visit

From this death, his life something good can happen

Be yourself, stand out and hope for the best

We have to otherwise we mourn

WHY CAN’T I SAY FUCK OFF

Why can't i say fuck off
I feel it must be said
You're a twat and i can't stand you
I would be pleased if you were dead

Why can't i just say fuck off
I am tired of your shit
Going down the line of political correctness
is a theory i will never submit

Would you leave if i said fuck off
Would you get out of my face
If i grimace and look hard
would you vacate this space

Come on, let me say fuck off
It would make me relieved
You would know my definite wrath
no more scope to be decieved

My mother never let me say fuck off
because society does not deem it right
but in the grand scheme of things
if you fuck off, my life is lite

So come on you fucker, fuck off
let me live my life in peace
you will look back one day and know i am right
Your fucking off made my pain decrease